The thunderstorms of this afternoon caused a prolonged power failure. Without electricity or Internet at home, I sat down to write the next article about my stay in Sri Lanka.

Within a few hours, I was no longer writing about my arrival in Sri Lanka, but about the departure of my dear grandmother.

******

The electricity came back late this afternoon but the Internet was still not working at home. For some reason, I was inclined to look if I had received messages by using my data plan. Something I rarely do. I usually just wait until I have a WiFi connexion.

And there it was a message from my mom asking me to call her. With a faint voice, she announced me that my grandmother had just passed away.

Silence… Sadness… Tears… Questions… Memories… Images… My head was busy processing the news while concentrating at the same time on the soft and fragile voice of my mother. The bad connection amplified the fact that I was feeling far away from home. But surprisedly, I was at peace.

I had a smile when remembering my recent conversation with my grandmother. She had just been transferred to the Manor. My mom suggested I call her for Valentine’s Day. “It would make her happy and she seems to miss you. She asks me where you are now and when you will come back to see her”, my mom messaged me. When I called there was a little party going on with live music. I could feel her smiling and being happy well surrounded with part of her family and friends.

During our conversation she asked me at least 2-3 times, “Is it Nathalie talking?” “My God, my grandchild who is at the other side of the world is on the phone!” I smiled. She was right. It is amazing to be able to phone from all over the world now. And it’s comforting to feel so close despite the distance.

The last time I saw my grandmother was at the end of August just before leaving the country. It was a goodbye to my family before leaving for an indefinite period abroad, but it was also a farewell to my grandmother. I knew it would be the last time I would take her in my arms in this life. I left with a precious word she carefully written in my notebook.

“I wish you a beautiful journey among strangers. I hope you will meet good and honest people who will help you. I’m sad to see you go. I miss you a lot. I love you very much. Your grandmother who thinks of you often. “

Me too grandmother I’m sad to see you go.

She did not always understand why I preferred to travel so far instead of visiting my family in New Brunswick. When I was telling her it’s because I want to see the world and experience other cultures, she was saying: ”You are right my grand daughter. Enjoy it while you have a good health and you are still young. “

I realized later on that it’s not that she didn’t understand. She worried for me. She was telling me that she was praying for me every single day. I know she wanted to see me happy. She did not like the fact that I was living by myself in a big city neither seeing me traveling alone. She often asked me why I didn’t have anyone to travel with and if I had met someone. She wanted to see me happy with a lover. Being her only grandchild, I think she would have loved to see me having children.

Being on the road, the death of my grandmother reminded me the immense freedom Western women have gained over the last two generations. If we go back 50 years ago, a woman of my age was not even dreaming about quitting everything to move abroad alone. Even if it’s still considered an ambitious move today more and more women are traveling alone. My grandmother often told me how much she loved to go to school but she had to quit to help her mother at home. Then came the marriage and the family. A situation still well present for women of my age living in some countries I visit.
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Among the beautiful messages of sympathy I received, one particularly touched me.

“Your grandmother wanted to make this pilgrimage with you and she found her way to do it and protect you. She currently lives in another dimension and your spiritual path will allow you to be in connection with her as well as your grandfather … rest assured that your grandmother approves your lifestyle choices. ” Michèle

I’m sure she will continue to watch over her children. This time from above the sky as a star alongside her husband.

And like a butterfly, she will ensure and accompany her only grand daughter.

“You are like a delicate and lovely butterfly, traveling peacefully the distances with great determination. Did you know that sometime the spirit of loved ones who left the physical world, embrace the butterfly as a way to share your happiness by surrounding and following you for a few steps on your path. So make sure that you remember this and enjoy the company of those magnificent and colourful butterflies that seems to appear out of nowhere.” Written by my oncle Jean-Guy

Grandmother, I address you my deepest gratitude for watching over me since my first days. Thank you for having contributed to shape the woman I am today. Thank you for being with me now and for the rest of my journey.

In accordance to Buddhist traditions, I have put seven magnificent lotus flowers and lit seven candles in a temple to honour your memory.

I made sure that prayers resound to your attention in my adopted homeland, in Ubud. I asked the family to whom I rent the house to pray for you. These are the wise words of Made, the father, which perfectly summarize the vision that the Balinese have of death.

“…Hope she will go to heaven with her good karma. Dying is not the end for the soul journey. Dying gives a chance for a new life. Like a tree, the old leaves will fall down and new leaves will grow.”

With all my love.

Your grand daughter Nathalie